Tuesday, May 19, 2009

A Haitian divorce?

Palmer departs Trenton for paradise

There was a late night pizza party on the Front Stoop last night and we paid the price for overindulging.

Sparked by the announcement that former president Bill Clinton is about to be named the United Nations Special Envoy to Haiti, a fever dream burned through the night as we tossed restlessly in bed.

In the dream, Clinton indeed gets the nod from the UN and immediately tags none other than Trenton’s own Douglas H. Palmer to be his left hand man.

Palmer, who has practiced for the better part of two decades to bring Trenton down to the level of poverty-stricken Port-au-Prince, is a natural for bringing his vision to the downtrodden Haitian capital.

Doug should thrive in the tropical climate. The country is at rock bottom so he won’t have to waste 20 years tearing it down before he can start building it up. He can broker the sell off the country’s few assets while making deals with all the ne’er do well developers from the western hemisphere for projects that never get completed. He’ll manage to get a stranglehold on the country’s library system so the citizens can’t better themselves. And, working for the UN, Doug will finally get a police force (the peace keeping troops) totally under his control.

Palmer should prove to be popular in Haiti. Like ousted President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, Doug’s success comes from a powerbase among the poor underclass. All the Zombies will quickly become Palmeristas.

You laugh, but we woke up in a cold-sweat, chants of “Papa-Doug, Papa-Doug” echoing in our head.

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